I was supposed to head to sc to see a friend graduate. But just my dumb luck I get sick. I spend all week getting my hair done just for this occasion. But I’m down now.
Saw my therapist this morning. She said I should live for today and not worry about the future. Maybe she’s right, but my obsessive mind can’t. I have to keep on thinking two steps ahead of what I will do. Continue reading
Today has been a tough one. I’ve been extremely nervous all day since my big announcement last night. Although I half expected my phone to be buzzing off the hook but alas not one call, text. I did get a few comments on my post. And a few messages saying how brave I am for doing this. I’m not trying to go out with a bang or to have a lot of people feeling sorry for me. This is my struggle.
But two of the messages let me know that I’m not alone in this battle. For those people I just say keep ya head up. If I can be brave so can you.
I’ll have to put the rest of my thoughts down later. This bus ride is going to kill me. People with body odor should use the stuff to prevent it on toasty days as these where you sweat from every orifice of your body.
In one month I will be turning 35. I’m coming to terms with who I am, who I will be and what I may become. Those of you who remained after my big chop of “friends & associates” was for a good reason. Something about you makes me feel whole at times. My life has been a complete downward spiral at times and other times it’s been upward.
At some point in my life we have crossed paths and it has only been for good, otherwise you wouldn’t be here. Some folks are on my other facebook page so there wasn’t a need to be on both. I keep my circle very small, b/c I honestly have trust issues. I don’t trust very easily, very much, or at all. But for some reasons I trust each and every one of you. Whether it be a lot (like with my life) or a little, but I have some trust in you. For me and what I’m about to say, this means a lot. Continue reading
I just prepared dinner and my meals for the week. Lunch is all taken care of. It’s just dinner that I have to worry about. Somehow that’s my problem when it comes to this healthy eating thing. During the day I’m good, but it’s the evening that gets me.
But after I ate I felt a little better than I did when I first woke up. I did things today I needed too. I got out the house. Saw a good movie (how to train your dragon 2), then I did a little grocery shopping for the week. Seems like I do my shopping every Sunday to get through the week. Mostly for my breakfast items. Cause they go bad so quick.
But now I’ve eaten, had my dessert (watermelon…my arch-nemesis) and now I’m watching a lifetime movie and cuddling with my cat. This is my life. Kinda sad
I don’t know why some days are harder than other’s to get through. Last night was rough. I came close to telling the world about me. I started, but i couldn’t finish. I sent a few people this link…but I don’t know.
I’m about ready to cut all ties with everyone i know. I figure the less friends i have the easier it will be to do what i have to do, when it comes time to do it.
People don’t understand what a struggle it is to live the way i do. to battle my demons. to tell the voices that no…today is not a good day to die. Continue reading
