Bipolar Bear Thoughts

This has been a hard weekend. Last year I was surrounded by people who cared about me. This year I was pretty much alone with my thoughts, the voices, and everything that holds me back. Life is just hard right now. I feel like taking this job and moving was a serious mistake. I lost a friend of 10+ years b/c of some lies told to her that she automatically believed instead of hearing my side of the story. Lost a few more friends prolly cause I’m a third/fifth/seventh wheel. I just don’t feel good about being here.

I feel as though the world at times is closing in on me. The four walls are pressing closer. Continue reading →

Well it’s 4th of July weekend and the depressed bug has bit me again. Thursday I couldn’t wait to get off work. But then fri I met up with a buddy for lunch and after that she was going to see a friend who was depressed. I could t deal with that. So I came home. Found out my homie was going through some stuff. I waited for him, but he said he wanted to be alone so I let him be. The next day we hung out for a few hours. I felt good. Then he went home. I watched movies until bed. Played with my cat. He enjoyed the catnip and was worn out in no time. I fell asleep on the couch like I have been doing for some time.

Now it’s Sunday. I’ve been on the couch all day. In and out of sleep. Migraine growing.

Now I’m depressed again. Not completely suicidal, but just sad like I want to cry all day until my eyes pop out from not having any more tears. Continue reading →

Been down a bit today. i don’t know what’s going on with me. i’ve been on my meds, might have skipped a day or two…only cause i fell asleep faster than i expected. though it never last very long.

i just wonder…are they working? do i have what it takes to make it? i guess only time will tell.

it’s the first of the month in about 2 hours…someone posted something earlier…that said…what have you done in the first half of this year. are you proud of it? what will you do in the 2nd half of the year.

well what have i done….

i started a new job
i moved
i sought out treatment
i’ve lost friends
i’ve lost associates
i’ve cut people off
i’ve established my budget and finances

what will i do

i will lose weight
i will get fit
i will get a new car (new to me)
i will get a promotion
i will get some honest recognition at work
i will figure out where my love life is going or if it has sailed on forever

it’s only july. i hope that maybe a vacation will do me some good. the fact is where will i want to go…detroit to see my sis and her kids, or cali to see my wifey and her boo. i’m ready to just get away for a bit to do nothing. maybe i’ll go on an olivia cruise, who knows.