Bipolar Bear Thoughts

Another weekend down. I was so busy last week, i didn’t really have time to sit and think about all that has gone wrong in my life. All i could do was keep going. I saw the therapist on Friday morning. I think I mentioned it already. Either way, she seemed okay. She didn’t feel that i have ocd…but for me…what i do every morning is out of the ordinary for me. I never was one to get up and do things the same way. I would just get up and go with the flow. I got here and all of a sudden i have to be on a schedule.

Last night was like any other. I took my lithium, dozed off about 1030, woke between 1230-0100…spent two hours trying to go back to sleep. i get up wander around the house in the dark, Tob stares at me through his cat eyes and wonders what the fuck i’m doing up and moving, especially when he was comfortable laying on me and now has no body heat. but he eventually says fuck it, closes his eyes and stretches one last time then licks his paw and goes back to sleep without me. i on the other hand, continue to wander. i blow my nose because this constant sinusitis problem i have that translates into the never ending sinus infection from hell. i realize that once again…if i’m not congested, my nose is utterly dry as hell and now i have a bloody nose. so i tack on another 30 minutes to get it to stop bleeding, then i lay back down, pull the covers over my face and pray i can get some more sleep before i have to be up. Continue reading →

Got up this morning and went to my therapist this am. this va one…she’s not that bad. she didn’t jump to conclusions like the other one. she asked a lot of questions, which i answered then i broke into my slight convulsions. my legs started shaking, my hands started to clench as i wrung my piece of tissue into the smallest form possible. i started to get anxious about it all, but in the end, it was over before i knew it. she wants to see me on a regular basis, so every off day i have…i’ll be in. though…july is gonna be rough, i have a lot of trips to make on my days off. plus my surgery consult, which can’t come any sooner.

but i got it done. then i saw my nutritionist. she told me i’m not eating the recommended amount of food per day. and my calcium intake was extremely low. but i’m like…hell i’m drinking orange juice with calcium in it…i eat like two yogurts a day. but yeah i get it. i gotta get my bones built up. Continue reading →

Patients with bipolar illness die nine years prematurely, on average, but this is not inevitable if they get timely medical treatment for their chronic diseases.

A disheartening finding that has emerged from a study conducted by American and Swedish researchers is that the consequences of having bipolar disorder extend beyond the often life-altering symptoms. People suffering from the illness tend to die, on average, nine years prematurely, they reported online July 17 in JAMA Psychiatry. Continue reading →