Well I didn’t write for a while. I’m on my vacation. I fucked up. Those dates I was supposed to have…didn’t have them. My disorder showed it’s face and she put some serious miles between us.
I figured id just make things better for us and just stop trying. I’ve got a blog or two that I wrote through twitter I need to put on here.
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I just woke from a dream and it’s fresh on my mind. I was hanging out with some friends chilling like we always do.
Then I told them I had to go, there were things I needed to finish at home. They bid me farewell and I hopped on the metro and headed back to my place. There were a few strange faces on the metro looking my direction but I put my head down and walked to my car. I got home and started watching tv. I felt myself getting sad, then I went out on the balcony and cried. From the outside I’m hovering over myself watching this matter take place. I watched myself go into the house and reach under the mattress and pulled a pistol out. I watched myself load a single bullet in the chamber and walked out to the balcony and sat there. Toby was by my side.
27/08/2014 03:11 I’ve been up from that nap for about 40 mins…long enough to pick myself off the floor, close my suitcase, take pic of tob, and shower
27/08/2014 03:12 Now I’m in my bed…still can’t believe I fell asleep on the floor with my head in my suitcase…. I must’ve been extra tired
27/08/2014 03:13 Bad part was…I was right next to my bed…
27/08/2014 03:14 Well alarm set…let’s see if I can manage 3 hours of sleep to add to that 1.5 hour nap?? Oh 4 am comes too damn early!!!
27/08/2014 03:14 But alas…after tomorrow…I’m in the home stretch for this vacation…I can hear the ocean calling me!!
27/08/2014 03:15 Oh shyt…sleep not coming no time soon…I think I’m too excited about this vacation. I’m ready to go, but mad cause it’s a lot happening
27/08/2014 03:16 Here in town, at work next week, and various sporting events I could have tickets too. But beach think beach
27/08/2014 03:17 Going to try sleep if not I’ll be back
26/08/2014 04:54 But on the bright side my date from Friday finally sent an email (of all things), said she had a family emergency and had to leave town
26/08/2014 04:55 Now how likely that was I dunno, but shyt happens right?? I just need to focus on me and stop getting excited
26/08/2014 04:57 But my personality won’t let me. Amazing how all the women that wanted me 6 months ago are now all figments of my imagination
26/08/2014 04:58 But of course now I’m single not a one to be found….if I was the cheating type…goodness but **shrugs**. Back to bed
26/08/2014 20:52 On the couch…trying to not take these pain pills….last week I was super tripping off them. But the pain is steady building again!!
26/08/2014 20:53 Maybe instead of the super high dose, a couple ibuprofen
26/08/2014 20:54 Then I might can function and get this laundry done so I can pack. Wheels up in 2 days!!
26/08/2014 20:54 Lemme find these…get a power nap in and attack
26/08/2014 20:54 Yeah…phone going off in 3 mins. Get at me while you can!!
25/08/2014 10:02 I gotta feeling today is gonna be a day to remember. Not sure if it’s a good or bad day yet…but my spidey-sense is tingling
25/08/2014 10:04 50+ emails since last week Thursday after 3 pm. Not sure how I feel about that.
25/08/2014 10:21 Why of why must my body reject breakfast before I even eat it! So not feeling at the top pillar of health this am.
25/08/2014 11:23 Morning is off to a rough start. I’m struggling to pull through. Jabbed myself in the nerve trying to pack my cavity. So needless to say oww
25/08/2014 12:17 Ever feel like your life is in shambles before it begins?
25/08/2014 12:20 I’m trying to be more spiritual…not sure it’s working
25/08/2014 12:20 Trying to be an optimistic person but I can’t see the fairy tales and unicorns
25/08/2014 12:24 I don’t believe in pixie dust
25/25/08/2014 14:53 I need to find something to drain all my energy into. Perhaps a good time to get my ass into the gym. I need to get my figure back
25/08/2014 16:37 So one of my homegirls just sent me a text b/c apparently she went out for a jog and ran into some stud. They got to talking and she thought
25/08/2014 16:37 Of me, so she says do you have a preference?? I’m like yeah of course I do who don’t??
25/08/2014 16:39 Now she wants me to come to the bayou … I told her how bout she get her # and have her call me. Uugghh I swear my peeps are determined!!
25/08/2014 16:43 I’m not understanding the need to get me another gf. If I do find one, after this mess, I will never live with another one until marriage
25/08/2014 16:44 Call it stubborn or whatever but yeah no more. Or we have been together for 3+ yrs. but she has her place I got mine
25/08/2014 16:45 Blah on saving $$$ too, that’s where being financially responsible comes into play. If she can’t manage her funds, the accountant in me ✌️
25/08/2014 16:46 I can’t support you and me. Just like I would never ask her to support me. That’s why I got an education !!
25/08/2014 16:47 I know too many who just jump into living together and it bombs. Sometimes it works. Mine failed like an atomic bomb
25/08/2014 16:48 Call this a vent or whatever. But it’s all truth
25/08/2014 16:49 I know what I like. I got the goals, the plans the future mapped out. And a few backup plans to get there if the originals fail
25/08/2014 17:37 Thank you for the message. I really don’t mean to go on vents but some days I just get worked up. Today has been one.
25/08/2014 18:41 I just figured out why I’ve been so angry for the last week. Whew mixing of certain meds with other meds…not a good deal.
25/08/2014 18:44 I got one bottle of pills to toss tonight. They have been my downfall of the last 7 or 6 days…hell since Monday afternoon
