I have been depressed a bit lately. I know its due to my meds, I don’t know what the problem is. But nothing appears to be working in my mind. I have been thinking more and more about death. I keep looking at the tattoo on my arm and the tick marks. The 13 tick marks, the 13 attempts and I think when will the 14th be added.
Many have told me, that I better not add another tick, but then i’m also looking around like … where are you to stop me from doing so?
You see the last week, I’ve removed my presence from social media. I’ve checked it, but I haven’t posted anything. I’ve contacted those who necessary for the things I’ve had to do last week. But I’ve kept myself lowkey. No one has noticed. That’s right… my “so-called close friends” have not noticed that I have fallen off the face of the earth. I haven’t responded to text messages (which there has only been one and it didn’t come in until 5 days after I said I was leaving social media), there have been no calls to ignore. If anyone came by my house, I wouldn’t know, since I wasn’t here. But i doubt anyone did. I’m going to continue my fast. I have my surgery next week. Bet even still, no one will notice.
But back to the point of what this post is about. I keep thinking about my death. I still don’t know how it will happen. Heck I don’t know when it will happen, but what I do know … is that it will happen by my own hands.