Well it’s 4th of July weekend and the depressed bug has bit me again. Thursday I couldn’t wait to get off work. But then fri I met up with a buddy for lunch and after that she was going to see a friend who was depressed. I could t deal with that. So I came home. Found out my homie was going through some stuff. I waited for him, but he said he wanted to be alone so I let him be. The next day we hung out for a few hours. I felt good. Then he went home. I watched movies until bed. Played with my cat. He enjoyed the catnip and was worn out in no time. I fell asleep on the couch like I have been doing for some time.
Now it’s Sunday. I’ve been on the couch all day. In and out of sleep. Migraine growing.
Now I’m depressed again. Not completely suicidal, but just sad like I want to cry all day until my eyes pop out from not having any more tears.
I’m feeling like moving here was a serious mistake. There were so many people who appeared to be so happy to have me here but since I’ve been here, I lost one of my best friends. Another friend well she’s married now so I can’t call when I get depressed. The only person I hang out with is my homeboy. But he’s got school and now an internship. So he’s gonna be busy. I need to find something to keep me busy when I’m not at work. I’m back to having too much time on my hands. Too much time to think. So I’m thinking a second job or school.
Thinking for me leads to thoughts of death, thinking of ways to off myself. I have one more day to be off work. This isn’t helping. Perhaps I’ll eventually get up and go to a movie. Once again..alone.