Well by now your thinking if you read what this page is about…that i’m crazy.
I might be….
But only to a certain extent.
Today I made a big step in the treatment for my disorder. Well actually last night I took the first step in creating this blog. I can get my feelings out and the voices will stop.
So I took a big risk and talked to my supervisor’s about what has been going on in my life. The last two weeks have been pure hell. I’ve been down at work and it was very much visible. My whole team could tell that something was going on, but i don’t and can’t really be “tight enough” with my co-workers to have any kind of ‘relationship’ with them outside the job.
So in talking with my two immediate supervisors and the human resources manager, I took the step to seek out the temp help the job would provide me. I called the Employee Assistance Program number. I asked for a therapist. I get 6 free sessions, then if my insurance covers her…i can keep going. On top of what the VA is providing me.
So I’ll start next week sometime. It felt good to finally speak up for help. But then that got to be old news when someone called back an hour later to make sure i wasn’t having those thoughts again. It was comforting, but in a slight way annoying. That’s probably why i don’t tell people I have those thoughts. They tend to look at me sideways, then feel like they have to walk on egg shells around me. No you cracking a stupid joke isn’t going to make me go jump off a cliff. I’m better than that. People tend to be extra serious when they find out you have tried to kill yourself multiple times. (this is a pet peeve of mine…but more on it at another time)
Welp…the meds are in…eyes are starting to droop. these are some pretty decent pills i guess. we’ll see what tomorrow holds.