Well its been some time since i blogged about my disorder….maybe because so much has happened since the last time i was able to sit down and focus.
Well first things first…i’m on a new dosage. Which shouldn’t be a surprise. but i am.
So the last time i posted was on july 27th. It is now august 24th. So much has happened that has thrown my emotions in a serious wack/slack/off-track.
Well that was the weekend before my birthday. i turned 35 the next week. I decided to go home and visit. I needed to collect a few things for my apt. I found out that my ex had another person living in my house. i told her i didn’t want her best friend there. everything about the chick was wrong, and she’s involved in some crazy shyt that could cost me my job. she was supposed to take her home that weekend and drop her in atlanta…but come monday morning, i found out she never had any intentions of doing so.
so my alert status was on high. i was feeling out of it, but still trying to remain in control of my situation. i was lost.
the next weekend after my birthday…i spent the whole week trying to get her to tell the truth. i swear i was losing it. my meds weren’t working, no matter how many i took. i saw my therapist, she told me to take it easy. i tried, but i was back to not sleeping. again i made a trip home to check on things. they were not what i was expecting. i put my ex out of my house. where she went…i don’t know…i don’t care. i got tired of covering. she started running around town telling her “story”, but you can’t tell a story if you don’t tell the truth and its full of holes and doesn’t make sense. kinda makes you look like the crazy one right?
anyhow…my meds again not working…me not sleeping…not eating…and i was just stressed out at work. we had meetings and more meetings. so in my case…stress level on 10!!
but the only good thing…was i found out that someone liked me. after a year and some change of not feeling love…i felt emotion. the next weekend was a big bball game i was looking forward to. not just b/c i would be out of the house, but i would be out with some folks who cared. tob’s pop, a buddy who has similar symptoms, and another girl. later on, i went on a date. yes, an actual date.
but then i blew it the next week. i tried to get it together, to maintain my life…my sanity. i exploded. but like any good bipolar person, i kept it under wraps at work and let no one know just how fast i was falling apart. but i was trying to be honest. i was getting scared…i did and said some dumb ass shit. i thought i had lost it.
i have a date this week with “another girl”. we’ll see how things go. hopefully i dont fuck this up.